Lenten Reflections, Part VII - First Steps

We're a week into Lent, and I can't decide whether to qualify that statement with an "only" or an "already."  In some ways, it's the slowest season of the liturgical year for me -- mostly because I'm a wimp and don't like giving up things that I enjoy.  At the same time, though, it never seems like it's quite long enough -- I always feel like I haven't prepared well enough, that I've left things undone.  So I'm both cheered and a bit miffed by the fact that the first steps of Lent are already behind us.  Guess all that can be done is to make the most of the rest of it, right?

One other thing I wanted to mention -- apparently today was the day for the 4th years (soon to be PGY-1s) to find out whether they matched into a residency program.  They don't know where yet (that'll be in a couple of days), but hopefully they do know that they've matched.  So please pray for all of them, that they'll end up where they want to be.

That's all for me tonight...more reflections and a brief family med update tomorrow.  Till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections VI - Sacrifice

Katherine raised a really good point earlier today.  One of the traditions of Lent is that of sacrifice -- giving up something that matters, something that it hurts a little to let go of.  Why do we do it?  First, we do so to allow the seeds of spiritual discipline to be established within ourselves.  Second, we remember and honor Christ's great sacrifice by our smaller ones.  And, in fact (and those of you more learned in Church teaching than I, please correct me if I'm off base here), we participate in the Cross by willingly joining our offering to His.  That's why the "what" of the sacrifice doesn't so much matter as the trajectory (poor choice of words, but it's late and I can't come up with a better) -- what I mean by this is that a small sacrifice freely given to the glory of God participates far more deeply in the mystery of the Cross than a crushing sacrifice without any particular goal.  I needed to remind myself of that -- I think for the last couple of years I've given up things that were very difficult for me (by the way, giving up meat is MUCH easier than giving up chocolate, and don't ever try both at once if you value your sanity) but I never really spent much time thinking about the why.  It was just something I didn't really think about, something I did because it was Lent.  So this year I decided to take the advice of a priest whom I respect very deeply.  He recommended, rather than giving many things up, that I instead give up one thing and replace it with something that would help me to grow in a spiritual discipline -- reading the lives of the saints, praying Compline, something like that.  So I'm trying that this year; we'll see how it goes.

Oh, by the way, this is apparently my 100th blog post.  Only took me about 2 years.  Figured I'd mention it.  Anyhow, hope everyone is doing well...till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections, Part V - First Sunday

The first Sunday of Lent is always a little strange, always a bit of an adjustment.  Having been in a routine for nearly a year (although with a few weeks off for Advent), I feel like every year I'm just preparing to sing (or pray) the Gloria when I realize "oh wait, that disappears for the next six weeks."  Same thing with the Gospel acclamation -- all of a sudden it's "praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, king of endless glory!"  It marks a transition, and it's tricky for me to make the adjustments -- just like it's tricky to make the adjustments to the discipline of Lent.  I don't actually think I've ever managed to do either of those things well, really.  Maybe I'll get it this year?

Anyway, that's all for now.  Starting on a week of inpatient in the morning...it'll be early, but it should be ok, we'll see how it works out.  Till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections, Part IV - Getting Back Up Again

It's so easy to stumble and fall...no matter where we are, we're never really very far from temptation, and far better people than I have taken a few spills in this journey we call life.  The fact is that it's easy to sin and difficult to repent.  It's hard for me to admit my failings to myself (let alone someone else), and all too often I ignore things that need to be addressed.  And then there's the opposite end of the spectrum, of which I'm also guilty -- being unwilling to forgive myself for the wrongs I've done.  I know it's not just me, either.  One friend of mine, a far holier individual than I could ever dream of being, constantly struggles with feelings of guilt for "not doing enough" despite the fact that she lives her faith as fully and completely as I've ever witnessed someone do.  It's hard to forgive, and sometimes it's particularly hard to forgive ourselves.  But if we ever hope to rise to our feet after falling on our faces, it's a necessary step.  And, as in all things, we don't have to do it alone.  Let us pray that God will help us to lift the crosses we lay upon ourselves and to forgive ourselves for our faults and failings (full disclosure: stolen from a Danielle Rose song; I know pretty much the entire song but can't remember the title.  Because that's apparently how my mind works).

That's all for tonight.  Hope everyone's doing well...till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections, Part III - Counting Blessings

Every so often before I come to post on here, I read the blog of a friend who's currently serving overseas.  Her tales do two things.  First, they make me feel like a totally inadequate human being.  I'm stressing / griping about my shelf exam or my work schedule?  The longest I've ever had to work at a stretch is 30 hours, and I wasn't doing that under fire.  Second, they remind me how blessed I am and how many people would dearly love to have the opportunities I've had.  And this is the Lenten connection for tonight -- everything good we have is a blessing, a gift, and very much not our own doing.  We are surrounded by grace, whether we recognize it or not (and honestly, I often don't -- see the "griping about meaningless stuff" above).  The ultimate manifestation of this grace, of the blessings we receive, can be seen in the Cross.  No greater gift, no greater love, no greater grace, no greater blessing -- the gift of the Son Himself, sacrificed for our sake.  So let's take some time during these 40 days to reflect on the Cross and its meaning in our lives as a way of counting our blessings.

Anyhow, I'm back in Pittsburgh for the weekend.  Gotta say, the last two drives between Altoona and Pittsburgh have been astoundingly un-fun...March is a bad time to be making this trip.  Oh well, eight work-days left till the end of the rotation and a permanent return to Pittsburgh.  No especially interesting stories from today, although seeing the babies in the nursery is always amazing.  Anyhow, that's all for tonight.  I'm going to go count another one of my blessings -- the ability to sleep in my own bed tonight!  Till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections, Part II

At first glance, Lent doesn't really seem too glorious, does it?  In fact, it seems pretty much the opposite -- dark, dreary, forbidding.  So why do we sing songs like "The Glory of these Forty Days"?  It's a season of self-denial, of discipline, of penance and of turning away from sin.  It's sort of like menial spiritual labor -- scrubbing floors, taking out the trash, you know, that kind of thing.  Nothing glorious about it, right?  (Of course there is...I wouldn't be setting it up like this otherwise, would I?)  In fact, I see two ways in which Lent is a truly glorious season.  First, the work of Lent is the work of our own participation in our salvation.  We are incapable of saving ourselves -- such a feat can only be accomplished by the One Who is infinitely greater than any and all sin.  But one of His many gifts to us (although sometimes it doesn't seem like much of a gift, does it?) is the ability to cooperate with His grace, to allow ourselves to be drawn nearer to Him.  The "menial labor" isn't menial at all -- rather, it one of the ways in which God allows us to give ourselves to Him, to offer our lives to His will in all its perfection.  Why else is Lent glorious?  Because it is directed toward the Cross -- and the empty tomb.  Lent is the road along which we travel to the mysteries that are the cornerstone of our faith -- the death of the Son and His Resurrection.  It is glorious because it points beyond itself to the very source of our salvation.  Pretty tough to be more glorious than that.

Anyway, that's my reflection for tonight.  Family medicine is ok, although I'm less than pleased with the administration of the clerkship (the clinical side out in Altoona is actually pretty good -- better than I expected), but that's another story.  I was also hoping to have stories from my Stat MedEvac helo ride today, but the weather didn't cooperate, the bird was grounded, and I got to see lots of low acuity uninteresting patients instead.  Oh well.  Hopefully I'll get to go up before the clerkship ends.

Guess that's all for now.  Hope everyone is doing well; if you're looking for prayer intentions, I have a couple of special intentions that could definitely use some reinforcement (ask if you want more details).  Till next time, peace and God bless!

Lenten Reflections, Part I - Ash Wednesday

So as part of my Lent this year, I hope to write a brief spiritual reflection here each evening, possibly interspersed with updates from my rotations.  Tonight, at the very beginning of the Lenten season, I just wanted to spend a couple of words on the next few weeks.

Lent itself is a time of prayerful reflection, a time to look deep within our own souls.  I think, if we're being honest with ourselves, most of us (including me) will find a host of imperfections, blemishes, and sins.  There will almost inevitably be something within ourselves that we find repugnant, disturbing, and hateful.  In fact, it may be so distressing that we choose to ignore it...you know, the old "I can't see you so you can't see me" mentality.  It's too painful to admit that such flaws could exist within ourselves, so we just never drag them into the light, never allow ourselves to contemplate and deal with them.  And in many ways, Lent exists precisely for that purpose -- to remind us to examine the dark corners of our hearts, minds, and souls and to allow them to be illuminated by the incalculable love of Christ on the cross.  It is a time for us to open ourselves, to surrender all we have and all we are, to the One who created us and sent His Son to redeem us.  It's a tough journey, there's no denying that, and it seems even more daunting looking at the path stretching into the future from Ash Wednesday.  But He reminds us that we'll never be alone on that path; He'll be with us every step of the way.

Anyhow, that's all for tonight.  More reflections tomorrow.  Till then, peace and God bless!